Purpose

A good friend asked me today a simple question: “Kristen, why are you here?” As I started to give my standard answer about how I knew a friend in college who told me about Mercy Ships and about my desire to go on a medical mission in my year before med school, he stopped me. “No, but I mean now, why are you here?” And his question was really this: after experiencing Africa and Mercy Ships and living in this environment for three months, what has God made clear to me as my purpose? My friend challenged me to think about the life lessons I will take home, how I’ll be changed and better after four and a half months of existence aboard a ship waiting at the end of a long cement pier for the patients and the waves to come gliding and crashing in to it.

And I think that’s how the lessons have come to me, gliding and crashing in. Before I came to Mercy Ships, I lacked the faith to believe that God hears every prayer and He answers every time. I had this fear holding me back from praying. If I were to talk to God and then fail to discern any sort of response or acknowledgement or presence, what would that say about the source in which I have chosen to invest my soul for the past three years? I realize now that half hearted prayers, those laced with timidity or reluctance, were the reason I often struggled to hear God. When you pray, you have to do it boldly. You have to throw your whole being into the truth and promises of the Lord. And you have to be prepared to accept the answer God returns.

Prayer requires an extra layer of faith. Today, I did a back flip off the diving board at a hotel’s swimming pool in town. Back flipping is a motion you can figure out intuitively, but one that you can never practice. Ultimately, you get brave enough to just fling your arms forward and kick your legs over your head, and the first time, you’re not sure it will work. But then you fly through the air spinning in a tight circle and hit the water and begin to trust in the forces of nature. The second time, you stand atop the diving board, and the same uncertainty in the new motion fills you. Somehow, you doubt that the laws of physics will apply this time, and perhaps you’ll end up back flopping or landing on your face. Again, you fling yourself backwards and you spin-land into the water. The more you do it, the more confidence you gain in the process. Prayer has been like this for me. It has taken several strong and obvious answers from God before I trust that they will always come, several good feet-first landings in the pool before I can flip without anxiety. Perhaps the most meaningful influence on my prayer life has been the assurance and unquestioning confidence that Christians on the ship seem to have in the power and certainty of prayer. It is like my friend Sarah, my back flipping coach who first showed me how it was done, drowning the thoughts of impossibility in my mind with her splash.

I think my second major purpose here has been to learn better about relationships and what it means to truly be a friend. I have been incredibly blessed with a number of close friendships in my time here through which I have learned how to explore under the surface of a personality, how to really get to know another person in a place where many have heavy defenses. Next week, my closest friend, Olivia, and I are going to share at morning hospital devotions what God has been teaching us about friendship. When we were discussing what to speak on, she immediately turned to the story of David and Jonathan, one of the most beautiful, touching relationships in the Bible. I had never heard the story of these two men before, but as Olivia read it to me, I immediately understood why it was her favorite. The ways that Jonathan supports David are so selfless, so genuine, and so much in the spirit of Jesus. The amazing part is that he could conceptualize of and achieve this love before the example of Jesus showed the way. At the center of their relationship is a selfless giving so essential to a good friendship, but also a rare, often unnatural quality among us.

For my part of the devotions, I found myself drawn to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” From this passage, I understand friendships to be essential, irreplaceable by anything self-provided. Our souls have such a craving to be loved, and we can understand so much more about ourselves when we are living in friendship and community with others. We cannot live for long without the strength, accountability, love, and insight we both give and receive through our friends.

I can trace my walk with Christ by the events of these past few years. I remember the times when each new essential understanding came to me as it is linked to major life events. When I think back to my time with Mercy Ships years into the future, I will remember prayer and friendship, God’s faithfulness in listening and answering in giving us in others exactly what we need to live.